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Cultural anthropologist Angeles Arrien, author of The Four-Fold Way, teaches there are four bones to which we must pay attention if we are to remain fully present in our lives. As in life, so it is in speaking! Use these four bones of professional speaking to ensure your presentation is masterful.

1. The wishbone. This is where our vision resides, the place of dreaming and re-dreaming so that we live the life we came to live. When you’re developing your presentation, what is the vision you hold of what is possible because you choose to show up? A transformational speech begins with knowing the new story you want people to embrace and act upon. So exercise your wishbone as your very first step to a transformational speech. What is the outcome you wish for that makes all the energy of preparing and delivering a presentation worthwhile?

2. The backbone. Taking action in support of our dreams requires courage and strength. The call to action you put forth in your speaking is the backbone–it first represents your own backbone, the bravery to ask for something worthy of a better story. Then you call forth the backbone of the audience when you challenge them to leave the room with a commitment to a personal step toward an action that will make the new story possible. Just one step; ask them for that without apology or equivocation.

3. The funny bone. It is said that laughter is the shortest distance between two people. It is perennial wisdom in professional speaking circles that, “You don’t have to be funny to speak; only to get paid for it!” Forge your own brand of humor–without telling jokes–and be sure to include it in your speaking.

4. The hollow little bone. This bone is likely the most challenging for a speaker who needs a strong ego to show up in the first place–and then get out of the way. To be a “hollow bone” requires that we acknowledge our doubts and fears and reluctance and do the work to heal the personal wounds that cause us to question our callings and capacities. Only then can we be “hollow” enough to make room for something more powerful than a carefully crafted speech to flow through us and out to others. When we recognize that ultimately our speaking is in support of our message and not about us, we open the hollow bone to hope and possibility and to receive grand support for a worthy mission. We experience an energetic surge when the hollow little bone is an open channel for truth to be spoken in the moment.

When your wishbone, your backbone, your funny bone, and the hollow little bone are acknowledged and expressed, you’re well on your way to presenting the speech you were born to give to the audience you are destined to serve. To be a transformational speaker, remember the Four Bones!

© Gail Larsen 2010. All rights reserved. Real Speaking is a registered trademark. Permission to reprint: You may reprint this article in your own print or electronic newsletter. Please include the following statement: Reprinted from “Real Speaking” a free e-letter by Gail Larsen featuring insights and ideas to enhance your public speaking and communications.

How do you control your bias in negotiations? Do you even lend thoughts to how you’re being influenced by your biases in your negotiations?

Everyone is biased to a degree. It’s the degree that we recognize our biases and how they affect our thoughts that allow us to benefit from them. Since our biases can shield us from harm or prevent us from experiencing opportunities, we have to be very mindful of the influence they have on our actions during a negotiation.

The following are ways in which you can improve your negotiation efforts based on the recognition and control you maintain over your biases.

1. “… but that’s not what he said!” When you’re involved in a negotiation, consider how your biases impact your interpretation of what’s discussed. To the degree you have preconceived notions and/or opinions about what’s being negotiated, you’ll seek confirmation of what’s stated to match your notions. Stated in another manner, you’ll seek to define in your mind what’s said based on what you ‘want’ to be the truth. That can be dangerous; you may miss vital insight and information because what’s being said doesn’t meet your expectations.
2. To thwart the effects of what’s known as confirmation biases first, recognize the fact that you are predisposed to certain beliefs then, reflect on how keeping an open mind will allow you to assess new data without initially being judgmental about it. In essence, think about the way you’re thinking per the biases you possess. If you alter your thoughts and place your biases in a ‘time out’ area of your mind, you’ll be able to see offers/counteroffers from another perspective. That altered perspective may be what’s needed to get you past an impasse.
3. Understand your emotional state when assessing your biases. During the flow of a negotiation, things may get heated. At such times, unknowingly you may subconsciously refer to a time in your mind when someone took advantage of you in such a situation. As such, this time, you dig your heels in and become very determined to fight like heck. Your subconscious thought is, I won’t let what happened to me before happen again.
4. Be mindful of your point of reference. To add additional insight to point number 3 above, always consider your point of reference as to what you’re comparing your current situation (offer/counteroffer) to and why. Understand the point of comparison reference will give you more insight per why one aspect of an offer may be more or less appealing.

When analyzing and assessing offers/counteroffers in a negotiation, every negotiator is biased to some degree. So, when contemplating offers/counteroffers, consider if you’re being biased and if so, why. By doing so, you’ll be more alert to the degree of influence biases are having on your decisions. You’ll be able to also identify the source of your biases per how they’re influencing your decision-making process. That will prove to be a point from which you’ll be able to make better negotiation decisions… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Logic and emotion are the two elements that make for perfect persuasion. We can be persuaded using only logic or only emotion, but the effect will be short-term and unbalanced.

Emotions create movement and action. They generate energy during the presentation and get prospects to act on the proposal being presented. The challenge with relying exclusively on emotion to persuade your prospect is that after she has left the persuasive situation, her emotions fade, leaving her with nothing concrete to fall back on. Logic plays the role of creating a foundation for emotion. This balance between logic and emotion could be called the twin engines of persuasion and influence. Master Persuaders know that each audience and individual has a different balance between logic and emotion. Your analytical type personalities need more logic than emotion. Your amiable personalities require more emotion and less logic. Always remember, you have to have both elements present in your message, regardless of the personality types listening.

Whereas logic is the language of the conscious mind, emotion is the language of the unconscious mind. We know that emotions are reactions to perceived and imagined stimuli, not based on logic, but on one’s own personal experiences. Emotions often outweigh our logic. Imagine placing a plank of wood on the ground and walking its length a few times. Easy enough, right? But suppose you placed it a hundred feet in the air between two buildings. You know you can walk that plank–you just did it over and over again. Yet now, emotions and fears outweigh logic. Your “what-ifs” and your imagination supersede the concrete knowledge of your ability to walk the plank.

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Daniel Goleman asserts that understanding emotions is more pertinent to leading a successful life than having a high intelligence. Often people of high IQ struggle at work because of their weaknesses in fundamental human relation skills. Goleman calls this skill “emotional intelligence.” He emphasizes that emotional intelligence largely determines our success in relationships, work, and even physical wellness. Emotional intelligence “is a type of social intelligence that involves the ability to monitor one’s own and others’ emotions, to discriminate among them, and to use the information to guide one’s thinking and actions.” Emotional intelligence includes emotional management, personal motivation, empathy, self-awareness, and social skills.

When you are persuading someone, emotions provide the springboard for a successful execution of your argument. In fact, I would even say emotions are the energy and very fuel of the persuasion process. Without tapping into your audience’s emotions, there is no strength or energy in your message. Emotion is a power you can harness and use in practically every aspect of persuasion. Remember, logic is important, but emotion helps you catapult an otherwise dull or flat exchange to the next level.

Consider the following advantages of emotion over logic:

1. Arousing the emotions of your audience engages your listeners and distracts them from your intention to influence and persuade.

2. Emotion requires less effort than logic. Logic solicits cognitive effort, whereas emotion is automatic.

3. Presentations aimed at engaging the audience’s emotions are usually more interesting than logical ones.

4. Emotion-based arguments are often easier to recall than logic-based arguments

5. Emotion almost always leads more quickly to change than logic does.

You must know when to create positive or negative emotions and when to dispel negative emotions. You have to find ways to tap into your prospects’ emotions, such as hope, love, pride, gratitude, and excitement. If you can do this, you can inspire anyone. Decide ahead of time what emotional climate you want to create, capture those emotions within yourself, and you’ll be surprised how you can transfer those emotions to your audience.

When your prospect is worried or preoccupied with something occurring now or that is about to happen in the future, your ability to persuade declines. Worry is feeling anxious, uneasy, or concerned about something that may or will happen, or has already happened. I have heard worry referred to as “negative goal setting.” Anxiety creates tension–a fear that occupies our thoughts, which, if encouraged will grow and continue to dominate our thoughts.
You can combat worry in your prospects by modifying their anxiety into thoughts of reality. Bring them back to reality by having them realize we can’t change many things in life. Stress that most of the things we worry about are those very things we can’t change and won’t likely ever happen in the first place. Help your prospects substitute their negative mental images with positive ones.

Fear is anxiety or tension caused by danger, apprehension, harm, pain, or destruction. The possibility of harm can be real or imagined. Fear motivates and moves us away from unpleasant circumstances or potential destruction. Fear persuades us to do many things we might not otherwise do. Out of fear we buy life insurance, air bags, home alarms, and guns.

Fear does not work in every circumstance, however; if we were solely motivated by fear, we would never speed or start smoking. The proper dose of fear is essential in persuasion. If the dose is too small, it will not stimulate action. If the fear is too large, it will trigger resistance and acceptance will decrease.9 For fear to stick and create action and persuasion, it must include the following steps:

1. The image of fear must be unpleasant, such as threat of pain, destruction, or grief.

2. It must be imminent. Your prospects must feel not only that the fearful event is likely to happen, but also that they could be victimized by its occurrence. They must feel vulnerable.

3. You must provide a solution to the fear. Give your prospects a recommended action to suspend or eliminate the
fear.

4. Your prospects must believe they are capable of doing what is asked of them and that doing so will work for them.

Anger is a secondary emotion. A prospect’s anger is usually an indicator that something else is askew and/or that he needs and wants attention. You can assist in diminishing his anger by determining the key issue he is upset about. It is also often effective to ask for his help, opinions, or advice. This will usually diffuse his anger or even change his attitude and demeanor completely. In some circumstances, you may want to use anger to make a certain point or to evoke a certain reaction.

You can generate action for your cause by creating sympathy for it. When we see others victimized by misfortune that was beyond their control, we feel more sympathetic toward them and more motivated to help them. You’ve probably seen this technique used by marketers when they show you pictures of starving children, battered women, abandoned animals, and disabled adults.

As a Master Persuader you know to use the dual engine of Balance. This dual engine allows you to fly straight and true in any persuasive situation; become a student of both logic and emotion and develop the ability to articulate logic that rings true to your audience; and learn how to use your human emotion radar. It will help you determine important aspects of your audience, such as what your prospects are feeling, what emotions they are trying to hide, and how you can use each of these emotions in the persuasive process. As a Master Persuader you know what emotion to use, when to use it, how to trigger specific emotions, and how to balance the audience’s emotion with logic. Engineer your persuasive message with Balance.

Everyone persuades for a living. There’s no way around it. Whether you’re a sales professional, an entrepreneur, or even a stay at home parent, if you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will be constantly left behind. Donald Trump said it best, “Study the art of persuasion. Practice it. Develop an understanding of its profound value across all aspects of life.”

Conclusion

Persuasion is the missing puzzle piece that will crack the code to dramatically increase your income, improve your relationships, and help you get what you want, when you want, and win friends for life. Ask yourself how much money and income you have lost because of your inability to persuade and influence. Think about it. Sure you’ve seen some success, but think of the times you couldn’t get it done. Has there ever been a time when you did not get your point across? Were you unable to convince someone to do something? Have you reached your full potential? Are you able to motivate yourself and others to achieve more and accomplish their goals? What about your relationships? Imagine being able to overcome objections before they happen, know what your prospect is thinking and feeling, feel more confident in your ability to persuade.

Kurt Mortensen’s trademark is Magnetic Persuasion; rather than convincing others, he teaches that you should attract them, just like a magnet attracts metal filings. He teaches that sales have changed and the consumer has become exponentially more skeptical and cynical within the last five years. Most persuaders are using only 2 or 3 persuasion techniques when there are actually 120 available!